YES! It’s okay to quit.

Altogether, quit.

(Remember, social media doesn’t own you; you own it.)

It’s also okay to change things all around.

Or to take a break.

Not to mention, it’s also okay to quit something else so you can actually focus on your blog the way you really want to, or need to.

I was going to address this topic with fresh blog-oriented words, but I remembered a post from 2009 and decided to repost my thoughts on “Quitting” and give you the freedom to apply them to your blog, or any other necessary part of life. I gained a great deal of inspiration from reading it again. I hope you’ll find a quiet moment this weekend to read it, and that you’ll be inspired, too.

“Time to Quit”

Travel back in time with me to my college days, when I was the musical director for our campus- only female a cappella group. Ah, the days when we cared more about the color scheme of our outfits than we did about the harmony of our opening triad – and got away with it! Who could blame us for our shallow preoccupation? We were riding on the coat-tails of gorgeous, high-achieving, ever-popular alumni who taught us the importance of looking as good as we sounded. Each year, dozens of star-eyed freshmen auditioned while only two or three were accepted. We were the “a cappella elite” in our world. So, you can imagine, once a girl was accepted, she was committed -for life.

It was a Thursday evening rehearsal when Alison, a junior at the time, blurted out an announcement that shocked us all: she quit.

Our funky, book-loving, outdoorsy alto, just quit! This was so inconceivable that we renamed her decision, “taking a break”.

Actually, there was more to the shock: she quit everything.

She was a promising business major, sorority girl, Christian club regular, campus news writer…

Her decision was crazy! Wasteful! ABNORMAL!

Her reason? “To listen to God without the static of a packed agenda and obligations.”

Our little musical group was seriously sobered that evening.

As Alison graciously answered our aggressive questions, I got the feeling that she had walked into another world. Like Lucy Pevensie walking past the fur coats into a magical world of Narnian snow, Alison had somehow stepped out of our competitive collegiate environment into a world where she was free to slow time down, to say “no” whenever she needed to. She was not just resisting the status quo; she was living without it entirely.

At the time, I supported her odd decision, while keeping a safe distance in case she was… contagious. I noticed, however, that her life became beautifully quiet. Iʼd stop by her apartment on my way to a meeting (juggling a stack of binders and a cardboard cup of mocha latte in hand), and Alison would be sitting on the couch, a Bible on her lap, smiling up at me, available to spend the rest of the evening teaching me what she had been learning about the Lord. That is, if I didnʼt have to run off to that meeting…

My brain was so deeply ingrained with “Commitment!”, “Accomplishment!”, “Approval!”, that I could not entertain the possibility of quitting anything – let alone everything. The way I figured it, if God needed my time or attention, He would just have to keep up with me or shout a little bit louder to compete with my exhilarating schedule. Several years marched by as I reveled in accomplishments, checking things off my extensive “to-do” lists, busting my rear-end to please people, and striving to achieve the golden status quo.

Then I got married.

And had a baby.

And tried enthusiastically to pull these two new people into my spinning, selfish lifestyle. But, before I knew it, we crashed into a marital crisis so tragic that it would have ended in a divorce if God hadnʼt shouted so loudly that we had to reorder our lives.

That’s when we quit.

Everything.

We quit staying up late; going to bed at different times; watching television; watching dumb movies; bringing in two incomes; trying to publish a book; prioritizing bosses, friends, extended family, and strangers over each other; competing with one other; using the same old murderous words in every argument. We quit not talking to each other; not knowing what the other one was looking at on the Internet; not reading aloud in the evenings; not playing games with one another; not holding each other and saying, “thank you”.

And life. slowed. down.

And got wonderfully quiet.

And very, very small.

(Ooo, savor that quiet pause with me…)

Through the reordering process, God built a kind of spiritual “front porch” around our home – you know, like the lemonade-and-creaky-swing front porches that went extinct with the Waltons – on which we sit in the evenings, just rocking back and forth, appreciating the fruits of our labor, the glories of creation, and the beautiful humans who live right here, in this little house with us.

As I said, we live a quiet little life nowadays. We spend most of our time and attention on God himself and our family, believing that Scripture advises this type of investment. Itʼs only five years later that we’ve finally gotten more deeply involved in two local ministries: one that saves babies, the other that saves marriages. But we do it together, praying, and working side by side.

I can’t begin to know all of the construction that God did in order to build our “front porch”, but I do know that He had to tear down ugly addictions that had locked me into a go-go-busy-boots lifestyle.

The demolition project looked something like this: in order to respect my husband, I had to throw off independence, competition, and whimsy. In order to stay home with our daughters, I had to surrender my love of accomplishment, compensation, and approval. In order to love God truly, I had to sacrifice my aspirations of “making it big for God” as a
Christian speaker or author, because all He wants is for us to love mercy, do justly, and walk humbly by His side.

At times, the sacrifices hurt: I turned down a book offer, speaking opportunities, teaching positions, friendships, and a favorite TV series.

But the building process made it all worthwhile. Because now, I have the freedom to appreciate my husband and live next to him with open arms, saying “sure!” (not “it depends”) when he asks for my help. Nothing – nothing – competes with him for my devotion.

Now, I have the blessing to enjoy and train our children with an open schedule. Nothing- nothing – competes with them for my heart.

Now, I have the privilege of practicing silence, hospitality, generosity, and grace. Nothing competes with these virtues for my attention.

Now, I have the relief of living in quiet communion with God and learning over and over again that nothing – nothing – competes with His jealous affection for me. Quiet, little me.

Day in and day out, God ravaged my heart and soul – only to rebuild me through His Word so that I could write to you today, utterly convinced that my humble walk with God and my Christian love for our home is worth all of my attention for the rest of my life.

If my sphere of influence only extends beyond the walls of our home by way of my well-respected husband, our well-loved children, and our cared-for neighbors, I will have lived a fruitful life. Because here’s the mystery that I am counting on: by walking away from a busy, accomplishment-oriented society into a quiet world of deep relationships, service, and home-life, I will establish a far-reaching legacy that extends throughout many generations. In my estimation, a happy and contented life is one that is poured out in the secret places of prayer, service, and home.

Sometimes it’s just time to quit.

“…study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you; that ye may walk honestly toward them that are without, and that ye may have lack of nothing.” 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12

Yesterday, we explored two points to consider when deciding the type of time-commitment we want to invest in our blogs.

Today, I offer two more:

3. Put your blogging time on a budget – and don’t budge it!

We’re big girls now and we have to be honest with ourselves. How much time do we really want to be spending with our computers each day? How long do we want our husbands and children looking at the back our heads as our fingers fly over the keyboard? Better yet, think of it this way: how much living could we gain by minimizing our blogging time? Remember, if we want blogging to be a healthy and beneficial part of our lives, we must own it and tell it what to do.

A woman who owns and writes one of the most popular savings blogs budgets four hours a day for her computer work. She works efficiently and smartly to get all of her work done in that time-frame. (Quite honestly, I don’t know how she gets everything done in only four hours, but she’s a machine.)

Because I do not make an income through my blog, I can limit my blogging time even further. Just as an example (and certainly not as a rule… since, remember, every blogger is different), I limit my computer time to one hour a day; more only if Ryan is working in the evenings. I schedule my work time during the girls’ nap time so they don’t grow up feeling unnecessary competition with the computer. I don’t want to waste their childhood writing about them instead of living with them, and I could easily fall into this temptation without fierce boundaries.

Having this tight computer budget helps me to focus on what I love – writing for my blog! – without getting sucked into other social media that would waste away that precious hour. It has also helped me to make tough sacrifices that I don’t ever regret. For example, I don’t do Facebook; I very rarely Twitter (you’ve noticed?); and I read only a handful of other blogs. Because I so love to write for you, and I so love my family, I just have to make tough choices when it comes to my time.

For awhile, I’d turn my computer completely off unless I was working during these designated times, but now we use it for music, games, and research through the day, so I do leave it on. The opportunity to escape into cyberspace is always available, but my budget boundaries really do help to keep me focused on the work I want to do, when I want to do it.

4. Tips and Tricks for Taking Time

At the Relevant ’10 blogging conference, I noticed a couple of commonalities amongst the women who were happy with their blogs.

First, they helped their families to understand and appreciate their blogs by defining specific “office hours” during which they crank out blog posts, advertising, and other work. Because they commit to these office hours, these women seem to overcome the temptation to escape to the computer at other times. No do they seem to feel guilty or hard-pressed when they do sit down to work on their craft, hobby, or employment.

Second, these writers write and schedule posts up to two weeks in advance! I took their idea right away, and have found such peace! I’m not tempted to “get a blog post in” every night when I could be spending time with Ryan. It also helps me to feel a little more organized, and to shape my posts around a central theme. (It also gives me a couple of days to, erm, tweek anything I might regret having written.)

So, how much time do you need to write your blog?

How much time do you need to really live outside of social media?

What will that look like every day in 2011?

Recap from Yesterday: Make blogging work for you by deciding what’s important in your real life. Doing so will help you to blog exclusively about content that benefits your real life.

Today, let’s explore how we must make our blog’s time-commitment benefit our real lives. Once we spend some time meditating on the important things in our lives – the people and work that God has placed in our hands – we’ll be able to determine the amount of time we can spend on our blog every day. Regardless of who we are and what we do with our blogs, we must work efficiently and keep a close eye on the clock in order to own our blogs… and not allow them to own us.

(This topic takes some time to explore, so I’ll divide it into 2 posts. Be sure to check in tomorrow for “Part 2″ of “Part 3″ of “Blog for Your Life”. Oh, chuckle.)

At any rate, when it comes to the blog and the clock, here’s what I recommend:

1. Acknowledge your personal capacity and calling.

Some women have lots of time to invest in blogging and can freely create an online wonder! Kids are at school, hubby’s at work, and the cat’s outside looking for mice. For these women, blogging is a craft. An outlet. A public journal. A platform. And they do a spectacular job with their medium.

Some women have to invest lots of time into blogging. It’s paying for their mortgages or grocery bills. Or, God has given them a blog ministry through which He guides them to do valuable work. These women are pursuing noble, good work.

Other women, like me, enjoy blogging as a recreation, but do not have *much* extra time or energy to devote to it. In fact, one of the reasons we like to blog is because of the full lives we’ve committed to: family, farming, homeschooling… you know the ones. Oh, it’s still a craft. And an outlet. A public journal, and a platform, BUT we have significant time constraints, human resource constraints, and many other responsibilities that should not – cannot - be shadowed by our blogs.

My personal capacity is almost maxed out at faith, marriage, motherhood, homeschooling, home-making, friendships, community, and local ministry work. I have very little extra mind space for anything else. My personal calling to serve the Lord does not exceed my capacity, so any amount of guilt or starry-eyed dreams for “bigger and better blogging accomplishments” are entirely self-inflicted and, usually, passing.

Some women can rock out in meeting every. single. one. of my responsibilities as well as designing the printables I steal for preschool units, publishing books, making home-made yogurt, redecorating their cottages seasonally, and sewing life-size dolls out of hay. (Not to mention that their blogs look amazing, bless countless readers world-wide, and bring in thousands of dollars for their grateful families? Wow. Not me… but could be you?!)

We’ve just gotta get real honest about what our blogs are and what they aren’t according to our gifts and circumstances. Then, we’ve gotta wisely give them the time they truly deserve. And no more.

2. Acknowledge your personal writing speed.

If you’re a slow writer who searches for just the right word and edits furiously back-and-forth over-and-back again, I commend you for caring about our craft! Aim to pick up the pace a bit, but don’t give up! I’ve increased my writing efficiency by thinking about my blog posts during the day when I’m doing the dishes or driving. By the time I sit down to write a post, it has usually simmered in my crock-pot brain for at least a day (if not 20 years) and is ready to be served! It might help to jot down notes and phrases that you like, so you’re sure to use them when you sit down to write. For now, perhaps one way to use your blogging time more efficiently is to write shorter posts. There have been times when I’ve poured an hour or two into writing an epic post, only to realize that I could divide it up into a whole week’s worth of posts! Hot dog! Even better: the shorter segments increase the chances that my readers will enjoy all of my thoughts from start to finish.

If you’re a speedy writer who can write a beautiful post in fifteen minutes, keep on, my friend! This is a valuable quality in blogland. Enjoy it, and enjoy the time you are saving by investing back into those important things you listed yesterday.

That’s enough from me for today.

Look for two more time-commitment tips tomorrow…

(Remember, you’re still chanting: “the blog was created for me; I was not created for the blog”…)

In order for blogging to really work for us in a healthy way, we need to evaluate our lives. You know – our “real lives” – the ones that include “real people”, such as mothers, fathers, husbands, children, coworkers, friends, enemies, etc.

What’s important in your real life?

What do you need to focus on in order to promote the well-being of the people entrusted to your care – including yourself?

These are important questions to answer, because they must determine the content, size, and demands of our blogs.

We must determine to blog exclusively that which benefits our life.

Otherwise, what’s the point? At best, our blogs are just a figment of our imaginations. At worst, our blogs will eat us alive.

So, let’s evaluate what is important in our lives-away-from-social-media, and then make social media submit to those important things.

What’s important to me:

At this point in my life, my relationship with God and my immediate family is of utmost importance to me. So, my blog must benefit my faith and my family. I simply don’t have a capacity to handle much more than that. In order to serve God well, love Ryan well, train the girls well, and nurture a pregnancy well, I’ve gotta eat, sleep, read, think, write and talk about topics that hover around these very narrow topics. In order to pour my time, attention, and heart into my faith and family, I must blog about my faith and my family. It’s that huge for my brain and energy supply.

But, I’m cool with that. Sure, I can drool over the vast capacity of other bloggers, but I can only operate from what I have. I’m grateful for my gifts, abilities, and passions, and I’m determined to steward them well.

As it turns out, there’s a place for faith and family blogging, and I’ve been happily writing posts in those categories for 4 years.

Perhaps you share many items from my “what’s important” list, but you also have a knack for crafting. It’s important to you, and enhances your home. It inspires your children and blesses your neighbors. Well then, blog about crafts, my friend! Perhaps, for you, it’s frugal living, or baking, education, healthy living, or fashion. I say, if it benefits your faith, your health, and your home life, snuggle into your niche and blog about this important part of your life!

Regardless of our blogging niche – be it family or fashion – may we keep our hearts open to the real people who need us – and want us. They are always, always more important. Let’s plan ways in which we can make our blogs benefit our lives.

A personal example:

Evaluating “what’s important?” helped me to create “Family Fun Friday” recently. I’m lovin’ it because “Family Fun Friday” holds me accountable to following through with something that is very difficult, but important: planning specific times of unity, peace, and fun for our family. If both my family and my blog readers are looking forward to my consistency in this area, I’ve got the wind in my sails to do it. Not to mention, I believe that fun is important for your family, too, so I’m thrilled to offer any ounce of encouragement possible! And the best part is, I’m starting to see some of your ideas trickle in, which I love (to steal).

So, here’s hoping that at least one day a week, I’m blogging about something that I’m making happen in my “real life”, that is benefiting my family as well as my blog readers.

I’ve also decided to join the “Blogging through the Bible in 90-days” crew and intend to blog about it as I go. That way, I’m reading (lots of) Scripture, which directly benefits my faith, and blogging about something relevant and helpful for my readers.

Do you get my gist?

What’s important to you?

How do you shape your blog to benefit your real life?

Let’s explore this more tomorrow…

Don’t let the title mislead you.

Blogging doesn’t always bring life to a person.

Don’t ya know, it can be a downright addiction!

We could gorge ourselves online. (Just think of the unending feast of homeschooling, crafting, reading, sporting, child-training ideas!)

It can be an obligation with sticky tentacles:

we could become slaves to our readers, our advertisers, and our greed.

It can be an ugly people-pleasing, self-exalting, stumbling block:

we could sacrifice our souls, our families, and our Savior, post after post after post.

But, blogging can also be an experience of deep growth.

Blogging can enhance our lives, and our reader’s lives.

If we can repeat this over-and-over to ourselves: “the blog was created for me; I was not created for the blog”, we’re headed in the right direction.

Through our blogs, we have the opportunity to refine our writing; to communicate great and humble notions; to share the tragedies and triumphs of life; and to create posts that encourage others, reflect our genuine beliefs, and strengthen ourselves, our families, friends, and communities. We have the opportunity to glorify God through our blogs. Now, that’s beautiful. And full of life.

And that’s what I want to celebrate with this new series.

By exploring a handful of ways in which we can enjoy our lives and our blogs, I’m hoping to pave the way for 10 Million Miles to enter the new year well.

I’m hoping to offer a smoother road to you, too.

I won’t promise an increase in your reader numbers or teach you how to make money. These aren’t my specialty; and there are brilliant blogs out there to help you grow your blog if that’s what you’d like to do. But I will promise insights from 4 years of a happy life-and-blogging balance, because I have a feeling that beyond wanting to grow your blog, you want to love your blog. And beyond wanting to love your blog, you want to love your life.

Here’s to blogging for your life!

See you tomorrow!